Dear Parents
I am sure that you are all well aware of the current alarming trends in cyber-bullying that are faced by people, young and old, across all strata of society at present. Hardly a day goes by without some reference to cyber bullying in the media. Every report is underpinned by a heartbreaking story of victimisation that leaves one questioning the very fabric of parts of our society today.
I know that, as I write this, there are students and families in our College who are facing this scourge. I also know that College staff are devoting countless hours to resolving issues that, more often than not, have begun outside of College hours but are being brought into, and perpetuated, at College.
The challenges we face of resolving ‘Who said what?’ ‘When was it said?’ ‘Why was it said?’ etc. – and then, “How do we reconcile the situation?” are often very complicated. And alarmingly, these incidents can often take on a life of their own, blowing out of proportion and demanding ever more time and effort to resolve or - which is even more concerning , settle into a state of on-going sniping that makes resolution between the parties impossible.
It amazes and distresses me that despite our best intentions and interventions some students are unable/unwilling to break the cycle of tit-for-tat abuse in which they find themselves.
At TCC we have coined the term ‘Cyber-Bickering’ in this regard. Cyber bickering is often the precursor to cyber bullying, where a person posts a comment about someone on a social media site and others feel called to respond, in effect taking sides, and suddenly we have a major incident on our hands! I would have thought that it was obvious that cyber space would be the least effective place to try and resolve a conflict. Faceless comments and responses don’t make for effective reconciliation – our students need to understand this!
I hope that, as you read this, you are gaining a sense of my concern, frustration and desperation with this phenomenon. It is a concern, frustration and desperation that is shared by any family who is impacted by cyber bullying!
Gone are the days when a child could escape the impact of bullying by seeking the security of their home – modern social media provides perpetrators with access into the privacy of the home – even into the bedroom of the victim - at any time of the day or night! Computers, laptops, and most concerningly, mobile phones and even i-pods, are all vehicles for cyber-bullying.
We need to stand together as a community to do what we can to minimise the impact of cyber-bullying on our children. Having a mobile device is similar in a way to having a motor vehicle – both provide immense advantages - but both come with inherent risks. In the case of the motor vehicle there is legislated training, practice and qualification required before use. In the case of media devices there is no such preparation.
I want to encourage you, as parents, to review the ‘social media presence’ that exists in your home. Examine the risks, look for the loopholes in your ‘perimeter,’ guard your family against infiltration and teach your children to use social media appropriately!
Below are some guidelines and resources that may assist you in taking a proactive stance against the possibility of cyber-bullying in your home:
What is cyber bullying?
Cyber Bullying (sometime referred to as Internet Bullying) is using the Internet or other digital devices to send or post negative messages, images, or video clips about others.
Forms of Cyber Bullying
Cyber Bullying can take many forms, including posting or sending mean or embarrassing comments and or images on chat rooms, message boards, websites, social networking sites, online gaming sites, mobile phones, instant messages or email.
Prevention of Cyber Bullying
- Parents need to discuss cyber bullying with their children as part of their regular discussions about Internet Safety and appropriate use of Technologies.
- Parents can make it clear that using the Internet or mobile phones to embarrass or hurt others’ feelings is not part of your family values. Discussing the golden rule as it applies to internet and technology use can be very helpful:
Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
- Parents should discuss bystander behaviour as well, encouraging children to speak out against cyber bullying (or any form of bullying for that matter) that they witness and to report it to the appropriate person.
- Parents need to set up guidelines for appropriate use of each new piece of technology that is brought into the home.
- Parents should ensure that internet access is only available in places that are open to their oversight – in other words, allowing internet access in the bedroom, behind closed doors is not a good idea.
Some Prevention Tips from Students
- Set age appropriate guidelines for us.
- Teach us how to deal with conflict from a Christian perspective.
- Monitor our use of the internet – but please - Supervision, not Snoopervision.
- Watch for warning signs in us that all is not well.
- Don’t blame us if we’re the victim.
(Kowalski, Limber & Agatston, 2007)
Warning Signs of Cyber Bullying
- Your child is visibly upset or angry during or after internet use or mobile phone use.
- You notice your child withdrawing from friends or activities
- You notice a drop in your child’s academic performance
- Your child wants to avoid School
- Your child is/may have been, a target of traditional bullying at school.
- Your child exhibits signs of depression or sadness.
(Kowalski, et.al. 2007, Willard, 2006)
I know I speak on behalf of all staff at TCC when I remind you of our commitment to dealing effectively with any form of bullying whenever it is reported to us. I appeal to you to review your responsibilities and commitments to this same ideal so that together we can ensure that your child does not become a victim!
Bill Innes
